Wednesday, 12 August, 2009

The Sweet Love

There’s been someone that I cared and loved so much. For once in my life I’ve felt the warmth and happiness that I never felt before; that there is magic in every laughter, every touched and every moment was worthwhile. Have you ever thought, how sweeter could love be?

Everything began, when I was at the third year of my high school. It all started in one afternoon; everything in my life began to change. I was just sitting in the bench waiting for my driver to pick me up when suddenly I bumped some of my classmates and asked me to go along with them. Without hesitation, I stood up and gone together with them. As were walking along the sideways of our school campus, Lisa the girl who had a long straight hair of our group, one of the famous genius of our class and was also called our class president began to whisper to them, “do you see what I see?” “What? What? What did you see?” they replied. “Have you seen those two they’ve been silent for minutes, aren’t they perfect for each other?” “You mean Ashley and Jake,” they cried out loud. “Ashley and Jake are perfect for each other,” they began to teased. It actually annoys me but suddenly Jake the tall, dark and one of the hottest athletes in our school began to pushed me so hard, I began to feel mad at him and in return I give him my best shot to pushed him. When I noticed that it passed two hours so I hurried to the gate but Jake stopped me and began to ask if he could walk me to the gate of our school and I agreed. That day was one of my best days ever. From that day on, I started to think how small things could make you so happy. So day after days, we do the same things after we were dismissed by our teacher like doing some silly games, walking along the sideways of our school campus and goofing around was our thing and every night Jake and I would exchanged SMS messages.

Four months have pass, I’ve been thinking it out to myself why this crazy little things could make me gone insane, it feels like every day was full of happiness and surprises. The day of the talent show came everyone was thrilled and excited. The room was full of energy and everyone feels like dancing, well except me and a few of my classmates. Jake came to me and wants to goof around again I feel annoyed but I find myself caught up in his silly jokes, the way he smiles and laugh made my heart leap in every time his with me. He gave me courage to be who I wanna be and so I dance with him. There was even a time, when I was paired with another classmate of mine he was known as Chase the coolest nerd of our class and by the time we were dismissed Jake had been avoiding me. Upon realizing that he was been avoiding me it makes me feel happy the thought that he was jealous of me together with another guy. Night came, I send him an SMS message containing “Jake, I know we’ve been close for a little while. Just tell me honestly one thing, are you jealous with me and Chase?” I waited for his reply but it never came.

The last day of the school year came, I was beginning to think that I was drawn unto him and decided that this would be the day I would confessed my feelings for him. I can’t let things end just like this; feels like my heart would lose a missing piece without him. I ran all around the corners of our school but I never saw a traced of him. My heart became weak and restless, like my heart wanted to burst in excitement just to tell him that I love him way too much and I would feel breathless without him.

Summer came and I’m having the most boring days of my life stuck in my room checking the net, until an SMS message came. “I know we’ve been good friends. Whenever you need me I’ll be always here for you. You can even share your secrets to me. Now, can I ask you a question, who is you’re crush?” It came from Jake, the thought came to me as I received the message what if I tell him now, and my heart was beating faster and thought how would I reply him? So I decided to tell him the following day. Early in the morning, I raised up from my bed just to send him an SMS message containing: “What if I tell you, it’s you?” He never did replied.

A week came and I received the message that I’ve been longing that Jake would tell me and it said, “I LOVE YOU.” Knowing that he loves me, my heart jumps filled with joy and happiness. Without hesitation I send him an SMS saying, “I LOVE YOU, TOO.” It had been one of those happy moments of my entire life. Days pass by and everyday I’ve been feeling blue.

The month of June came and I’ve been feeling excited in seeing Jake again. It was never long enough until the first day of school came I walked along the hallways looking for him but before I could do so I met some of my classmates. We’ve been talking for a moment when I noticed there was a familiar figure heading towards us. Knowing that it was Jake, I turned around as if I didn’t notice him. When suddenly Vanessa one of my tallest classmates during third year and the one with black long hair began to cry aloud, “Ashley, its Jake.” As he walks along behind us, he suddenly touched my shoulders and I began to feel uneasy to move, it brings me sparks beneath my spine and my heart pounding so rapidly. Vanessa teased, “Hey, look guys Ashley is blushing.” Upon hearing those words it makes me feel so embarrassed. Realizing that Jake and I aren’t classmates anymore it makes me feel insecure and missing him more and more. Whenever we meet at the hallways, we can’t stop staring and smiling at each other. The following day, I was busy talking with Vanessa and I never noticed that Jake was just right behind us. I began to spoke, “Hey, who turned off the lights?” I feel so uneasy upon realizing that it was his hand that is binding my eyes, no wonder it is so warm. Everyday Jake would come and visit me in my classroom. There was even a time I was bullied by my classmates not anyone cared for me but except him. He tried to protect me from being hurt. He even said, “I would not allow myself to let anyone hurt you.” During that moment I feel safe and comfort. All my tears dried away because he gave me courage to believe in myself. Usually every love story ends in happily ever after but not all.

It was a nice weather to start the day not until I heard that Jake had a girlfriend but I thought it was just a big joke played on me. I never believe what the rumors say. Everyone was dismissed and so I headed to Jakes class I saw him together with Bianca one of the campus heart throb of our school. I felt my heart crushed into pieces as I see them talking and glancing at each other. My tears started to fell so I ran off and headed home. I made a promise to myself that I would forget everything about him. The following day, there he was at our class trying to catch my attention. He stared at me, his eyes full of questions. But I didn’t mind. He didn’t know how much courage I take to cover up my pain and endure it all. The following months was the most heart breaking moments of my life? Every day I would just stare at the window pane thinking of him, wondering if he misses me too, even during lunch time I snacked out of our class and head towards the restroom, there I would cry alone all by myself all those sad thoughts kept running gently in my heart the feeling that were close yet we were so far away and each night all those magical moments we had kept ringing in my head all night, the feeling of warmth and happiness was now long gone and the pain that I can’t bear take over me. One afternoon, accidentally I met few of my classmates last year and Jake was there too. When he saw me he began to turn around and walk out of the room. I hate the feeling whenever someone turned around me. I began to rush unto Jake like my heart is controlling me and telling me to do so. But I lost the sight of him. I believe it was never an accident but it was fate. There was a time, I saw Jake cry alone, and my heart is thorn as I saw him cry, I can’t bear seeing him cry and all I wished for him is happiness, during those times all I had in mind was to hugged and comfort him and tell him that I still love him but there isn’t a need for me to do so because I never was his girlfriend. So I hide behind the tree and deny all my feelings for Jake when all I wanted was to spend another moment beside him. But I was drowned with all my heartaches and pains, thought I could get over him with just a month but a month wasn’t enough than I expected. There was also a time I had my craziest moment that I couldn’t even control of myself in chasing after him but there was no sign of him. I was tired and my heart is raging with desires for him. Thinking, how would I smile without his presence? How would I laugh without him goofing around me? But, I don’t wanna think I’m selfish just because of love.

Graduation came, but this time around it was different. When I tried to look in his eyes, there I saw full of curiosity and pretending but still I don’t know why. My heart is confused and all I could think was him. His name sings in my ear, the moments we had been stuck in my head, his heart was still dwelling inside me, though tears reappear as the seniors make a farewell to the high school life. Knowing, I won’t see him no more my heart was filled with sadness. After graduation, I felt so helpless every day I can’t eat well and each night I felt sleepless crying over him.

A year had passed but I never regret knowing Jake, knowing that he is happy, I would be happy too. There were moments in our life we gave up just because of love. But we choose to love over and over again even though how many times we’ve felt pain. Because knowing that we have live and had loved was the most wonderful thing that God had given unto us and I’m grateful, if I hadn’t known Jake I may never know what it feels to risk everything for love.

For now I know, love is the sweetest pain, love is the sweetest feeling that we can’t resist. For the people who read this story believe it or not, true love really does exist. Just keep on believing that fate, destiny and love are in your hands.

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Monday, 3 August, 2009

You've Changed My Life


Thanks for being there when I needed a shoulder to lean on, for patiently listening to my personal problems. Baby, I just want you to know how happy am I to have you in my life and I thank God for that. Thank you for the love and the joy you bring. You've changed my life, Baby.

You're the only boyfriend who gives my heart some excitement and thrills. When I'm with you I feel like I'm out of control! You taught me how to handle life seriously, you taught me how to solve my problems and to face it without any fear... when I'm with you, I feel no fear, not even a single one.

I know that when you say you love me and I admit that I've fallen for you, I know that I wouldn't shed any tears from now on. I love you and that's what I want you to bear in your mind, and it's for keeps.

Yours and only yours,

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