Monday, 19 October, 2009

True Love Was Ours Then We Lost It

Almost 3 yrs ago I let my true love go, not because I didn't love him, but because at the time I thought it was the right thing to do. You may have all heard of my story - (Lessons in true love sometimes means letting go)? Well I still think of him very much and hurt from the lack of his touch and from the songs he would sing to me.

This Man was very much In love with me. Every time we were with each other he would give me his fullest attention and I would give him mine in return. Everytime we were apart we would feel that crazy feeling until we would be wrapped up in each others arms again. Then the day came that we would say "so-long"... it was not a bad break-up or anything, it was a heartfelt one, meaning that we parted with broken hearts because we were still so much In love with each other He was needed by his children who lived thousands of miles away from me and I have children here where they needed to be at the time because their father was here too, (not living with me). I had no choice but to stay, at least that’s what I thought at the time.

After Rick had left I waited for a call or an email, anything that would let me know he was safe, but I never received anything from him for a long time. I started thinking, was it only me hurting as bad as it seemed? I would talk to his friend Jay and ask, "has he heard from Rick?", 'yes! and he is doing fine.'

I was so hurt that he would call Jay and not me because I thought he would be more concerned about me and how I was getting on with my life.

I kept getting news from Jay about what Rick was doing but still no word, then I heard that Rick found himself a lady!

My heart broke.

After 6 months I came to terms with it - at least I thought I come to terms that it was over. I had started leaning on my best 'online - male friend, Ken'. We started getting serious about each other after a few months, maybe because at the time we were just two lonely people. In the meantime things were getting really bad at home, my ex was harassing me and I started getting concerned for my childs mental health, and my own, so I did what I thought at the time was best for us. I moved to another state which gave my Daughter an advantage because her grades went up and she had many dreams fulfilled and Ken treated me good but seemed always frustrated with me because he is so set in his ways ( which he never showed me online, but not in a bad way, just a snobbish kind of way at times).

During some times Ken is very good to me and I do Love him. After being here a few months Rick showed up online and we started talking as friends even now deep down I was upset with him but I pretended to be over him.

These are the childish things all of us do sometimes in life I guess, but a year later we started opening up again. Rick now lives with another woman and he loves her very much they have even just completed upon a home they bought to live in and his children have given him a lot of grief since his return.

A few days ago he told me how special I was and told me he was still in love with me and missed me so much. He told me he was always proud to be by my side and told me he thought of me often and that I was beautiful and missed how we would write songs together and sing. He even told me I was the Best woman he has ever been with. And I told him I still loved him too and missed him with all my heart and all my soul but we have a problem now and we both are very caring to people around us. See now we have other partners and we don't have the heart to hurt them because for one I know Ken has been hurt 3 times in his life by women leaving him for another man and I am not sure of Rick's girlfriend's past relations but I do see the pain in Ken's eyes still from his heartbreaks and I won't be the cause of another. So now I have to live once again with this yearning inside me and the need to be with Rick because I ca't leave Ken without him wanting me to go himself. All I can say is I love Ken very much and I thank him for taking my child and me into his life and sheltering us from the pain I felt when I let Rick go and for saving me from the mental abuse that my ex was throwing at me and saving my childs future because she is graduating this year with High grades compared to the failing grade she had where we once lived, also for treating my daughter like his on I do Thank Ken very much so. But I also want to thank Rick for letting me experience true love because he did a lot for me too and to let the whole world know I still am very much I n love with him and no matter how hard I try I will carry him inside my heart till the day I die because I want so bad to be with him but I can't do that to Ken and he surely can't do that to his Lady either. Aching Inside Always, M

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Beauty Beyond Memory

When memories cry
When memories fade and die

I'm going to grow old
My passion
My fiery passion
My flaming lust is going to grow cold

But my heart will always flow with a molten, love lava
In your name this lava flows through my veins
My heart beats for you
My heart will never cease to beat your name

When I lose my charm and my glamour
When I lose my physique and my game
When I'm old and wrinkly
When I cannot look myself in the mirror
I'll still stare at you

When memories fade
When I forget the days of the week
And the months of the year
When I mix names
And faces
The memory of you
Will always shine bright and clear
Your image
Has been burnt to my memory
I will never forget your radiance and beauty

I will die happy
With the image of your sweet smile
On my mind
And love
On my lips and in my heart

- Hamzah Gani -
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Tuesday, 6 October, 2009

Always In My Heart

Always in my Heart

It was cold, extremely cold. The devilish howls of the wind did not make me feel any better. In fact, it taunted me with strong gales of freezing air, biting through my skin. I shuddered. Thunderous growls from angry storm clouds shook the world around me, accompanied by illuminated streaks of lightning that forcefully struck and destroyed everything.

For once, I felt this mounting fear building up deep within myself. I was afraid, without you by my side. I enjoyed reminiscing on the days that we are together; huddling by the fireplace on stormy nights together, kissing in the morning sun together, kicking autumn leaves with hands held tight together, reading a book by the beach together, gazing at each other during romantic dinners, talking about our dreams while lying side by side in bed, frolicking in the sea together. We were just so comfortable having each other as a life-long companion, just so in love, just having so much fun and just knowing we will be there for each other. The feeling is simply magical.

Love is...
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